- BEAUTY - FASHION - LIFESTYLE -

Monday, 10 July 2017

If i lived life according to Vogue

I've had a vogue subscription since 2011, October 2011 to be precise. Ever since i sat in my cousins country home reading the September issue, feet up on the coffee table staring out of the big panoramic windows, overlooking the hills. I thought the feeling i had then, was the feeling you got if you read vogue. Suddenly if i read Vogue i would be someone with a weekend country home and a city wardrobe, someone who can wear sunglasses without getting foundation marks, and who goes everywhere in a black cab. Obviously i was wrong, and also 13 years old. When we got back to London the first thing i did was buy the October issue, i had pretty much decided i had a new lifestyle and signed up for a subscription. 

That was 6 years ago and i still have my subscription, except now when it thumps down on the matt at the beginning of the month, i don't run to rip it open like i used to, sometimes i don't even open it for a few days. As i've grown, i've realised a Vogue lifestyle is not a lifestyle anyone leads really. You could argue that the people who edit Vogue know that it's not a lifestyle, that it's an experience or something people read when they desire to have a life like the ones featured in Vogue, but it doesn't stop me questioning practically every bit of "knowledge" or advice i read monthly.

So i decided to go through the pages of July Vogue, to see what i would be eating, wearing and how i would be living my life, if i lived it according to Vogue. 

If i lived life according to vogue lifestyle

Wearing:

On the face of things Vogue is a fashion magazine, so it's only right we start here..and when i stay start i mean flick through 27 pages of ads before you even get to contents page. Yes they're beautiful ads, thousands would've been spent on each and every one, but do i want to go through 27 pages worth? I don't think anyone does. 

According to page 53 of July vogue my ankles will be dressed in July, no more naked ankles. Think ballet style wrap around ties up the leg, or apparently some sort of buckle. This advice leads me to believe people who put on their own shoes won't be able to adopt this trend, when you're on the way to the shop to pick up your ankle wrapped silk flats, you might as well pick up a lady's maid too. You may also fail to fit into this trend if you have human ankles, because according to vogue they suit the "sparrow-sized" best. 

Now my feet are covered (well ankles..) what would my body be covered in this month? According to page 58, if i'm going on an evening out "jeans and a nice top" is acceptable again. But wait.. did jeans and a top go out of fashion?? Was i wrong in thinking the "jeans and a nice top" combo was the international uniform of girl? Apparently so, but i'm glad they're in again now phew, thanks Vogue. 

Vogue spy page 75 tells me that jumbo trousers are raising their head. That's all well and good for the people photographed, head down walking into a fashion filled extravaganza, but to me jumbo trousers fill my head with one thing.. puddles

Shopping:

So now i've ripped through July Vogue as soon as it came through the door, and i know what i need to add to my cart to keep up with the trends, where would i go to find these of the minute pieces? Luckily page 57 gives me an insight into Vogue's address book, a list of shops and websites to keep on record to pull together a capsule wardrobe. Jokes aside, i have always wanted a "capsule wardrobe" so i head to the site labelled as "thrifty e-shop", only to find the first non sale item on the site is an £85 ribbed sweater ... thrifty ..

If something is described as cult obviously i had to investigate, so i made my way over to Golden Goose on Matchesfashion.com. In July i would be (or probably should already be) wearing pre-scuffed trainers. Pre-scuffed. You heard me, and they'll set you back £290. In July i just might start a business selling my old £40 trainers for £290, genius. 

Eating:

Now that i've got my outfit in check and i've established the kings road shopping locations that'll become my stomping ground, i've got to eat right? Luckily, pages 62 and 63 are Vogue's view on where to eat and drink this summer. 

Thought plants were for the garden? Oh no. July's Vogue has decided they go in cocktails, botanical cocktails. Am i the only one who didn't know cocktail trends were a thing? In July i should take a trip to Notting Hill's "Farmacy" which i knew was fancy, but i didn't think was quite Vogue worthy, maybe it's cooler than i thought. But then again something that is "in" one month might be social suicide the next, i'm safe for July anyway. 

In July i would also be anticipating the opening on Dean & Deluca, Vogue didn't actually write what Dean & Deluca is, because that would be too obvious. Obviously. But i take it that it's some sort of supermarket, a fancy supermarket of course, otherwise they would be telling me to anticipate the opening of my local Tesco.

If i lived life according to vogue lifestyle

I feel like i need to do a little bit of a disclaimer, incase anyone actually thinks i'm spending my July drinking botanical cocktails and shopping for things to wrap around my ankles. That would be nice but no, i'm not. There's a lot of talk about "instagram lifestyles" and how unrealistic they are lately, but i feel like fashion magazines have been guilty of that for years. So the next time you pick up a mag, and feel you're slightly inadequate because you can't quite fit jumbo trousers into your lifestyle, don't worry, the majority of us can't. 
The first part of the following sentence might make me sound like a grandad but bare with me - I actually prefer to read magazines centred around a hobby or topic now. (Don't panic I'm not an avid gardener or stamp collector but if i was that would be fine too) It's the reason i have a subscription to magazines like Blogosphere, so i can read a magazine that is actually relevant to me and also why i look to blogs for fashion inspo, after all they're far more likely to tell me about my dream bargain Primark bag than Vogue would ever be. 

Secondary disclaimer coming now too, if you do choose to live your life by the Vogue bible then good for you, there's nothing wrong with taking what they write seriously - there's a reason it's one of the most legendary magazines around. It's just not for me anymore. 
- Maria x

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42 comments

  1. I love this post because I've never seen a post like this before! I used to always love reading Vogue, however I haven't read it in years now x

    https://emmaboughtwhat.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! Yeah i really feel like it's such a phase especially when you're younger, you grow to learn there's a lot more in life haha! x

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  2. Ah I loved this Hun! Had a good wee chuckle to myself hehe!
    Chantelle x
    The Girl In The Tartan Scarf

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    1. Yay im so happy it made you laugh! Thank you so much for reading x

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  3. I've never read Vogue before and I wanted to for a while really but now I feel like it's just something else that would raise my expectations of life to a ridiculous standard really. I've already got social media to do that ahahaha!

    Meg x | the-writeblog.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. hahaha yeah social media is enough at the minute! I always stick to magazines with a proper topic now and mainly read blogs for everything else, i find they're way more genuine! x

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  4. Ahaha these are brilliantly hilarious! xx

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    1. hahaha thank you! I'm so happy you found it funny, i was worried people wouldn't get it! x

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  5. I love this so much! Such a unique idea and so well written. I used to idolise Vogue so much when I was younger too, always wanting to work for a magazine, but I haven't picked it up in years now! I also prefer a hobby based publication haha! xx

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    1. That was exactly the same as me, i used to cut pages out of every magazine (except vogue, too sacred) and make collages on pin boards, i dreamed of working there! It's funny how we change isn't it! x

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  6. Absolutely loved reading this post! I can relate so much, I used to be so obsessed with wanting to live like the girls on Instagram until I realised that was unrealistic for me and to go after my dreams but not to put pressure on myself and live life to what makes me happy!

    Great post!

    With love, Tanya x

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    1. Also if you fancy checking out my blog, it's www.tantalks.blogspot.co.uk

      X

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    2. Thank you so much! Exactly, to me instagram is like the new version of what magazines used to do! It's better when we all realise none of it is really realistic haha x

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  7. I absolutely loved this post - it was so true and real and not something you'd normally think about.

    Lisa | Soho Stripes

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    1. Aw that's so kind, thank you! Yeah i really don't know here the idea really came from but I'm glad i thought it up! x

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  8. I used to read Vogue and ELLE and now I'm a bit bored of them... I tend to read Blogosphere as well as frankie magazine, oh comely and the simple things! They're so much more creative and me! This post was amazing by the way!!

    franalibi.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! Yeah i find magazines with a topic just much more interesting, also it helps when you're reading about something that can benefit you and that you can learn from! x

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  9. I really enjoyed this post! I like the way you've presented it here, what Vogue would look like if it was a person :) I am so not that person,ha! It's very rare that I buy magazines anymore, used to read them as a teenager - mainly for the gossip.x

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    1. aw thank you! That's really how i wanted to portray it, i just find the internet is much better for everything in general now! x

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  10. Woah this is such an important and interesting post that I've read today. I never really thought about how life would be if I lived my life according to Vogue. I guess a lot of it would be different but I really enjoyed this picture M! lovely pictures! x

    Sami // samiyah.co.uk

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    1. omg that's so lovely to hear, I'm so glad you enjoyed it and it made you think! Thank you for reading x

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  11. This was so entertaining to read! Loved it :) x
    https://mollywriter.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. yayyy thank you!! I'm so happy everyone got it, i was a little worried about posting it! x

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  12. This post was hilarious, I love it!

    Jess x
    http://www.acornlifefitness.om

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    1. hahah thank you! I'm so glad everyone got what i was going with! x

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  13. I always think you have to read fashion magazines at a distance - I also love looking at and admiring the pictures but it's important to remember that every trend isn't for you.

    http://ohduckydarling.com

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  14. This was SUCH a great post! ♥︎ I loved the whole idea from the beginning but also the 'deeper meaning' behind. For me, Vogue is still something I look up to and value, but I treat it as a bit of a treat like an escape from the everyday life. It inspires and motivates me, but I don't even try to live my life according to Vogue.

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    1. Thank you so much! Yeah i completely see what you mean, i used to be like that too with it! x

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  15. I tried to live on the NYLON lifestyle but it was too unrealistic and my bank account was screaming anyway I really like this post and I like reading vogue to get inspiration time to time. xo

    Michelle| www.brokebutflawless.blogspot.com

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    1. Omg i used to love NYLON!! Thank you for reading lovely x

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  16. I love this post! The idea is amazing, you did a really good job with the writing of it aswell!

    Claudia - www.claudiamorgan.co.uk

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    1. That's so kind thank you so much for reading! x

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  17. Such a great read and I agree completely! It's a slippery slope when you start comparing and shaping your life this way! 😞

    Lindsay - www.lindsaydavison.co.uk

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    1. aw thank you so much, it really is too easy to compare yourself to things like this! x

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  18. I love how you are always so down-to-earth both in your posts and on social media! Thanks for sharing this post and highlighting how unrealistic the Instagram/fashion lifestyles are for most people.

    Beccah xx
    thehonestolive.com

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    1. aw that's so kind thank you, it's so nice to hear i come across that way! Thank you for reading x

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  19. This post is amazing. I think, nobody ever wrote a post like this, so this is clearly original! I can totally understand, since I am a mag-addict myself. However I stopped reading them because I just lost track of buying them and without a subcription they never came by themselves. Love this posts and the photos look pretty amazing!

    xx Nisa Hilal
    peonycrescent.com

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  20. I came across this post after @FemaleBloggerRT shared it.. I absolutely love this! I agree in saying I've never seen a blog article like this, so I praise you immensely for it - I'm somewhat in awe! For someone, like myself, who is fully immersed into the world of Vogue, it's such an unrealistic world to actually live in. As much as I love getting my monthly subscription at the front door, much like you, this is a great perspective onto it. Well done!

    Ellie x
    www.sincerely-e.com

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  21. This post was so entertaining to read and so refreshingly unique and um, as far as I'm concerned jeans and a nice top will always be 'in fashion' because how the hell can it not be?!

    PS, they had Dean and Deluca in NY and it was definitely like a fancy supermarket as well ;)

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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  22. Loved this post! I've not read anything like this before,its a great concept for a post.
    theemeralddove21.blogspot.co.uk

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  23. Brillianf post! I've only ever read Vogue once and the pages & pages of ads put me off. When I buy a magazine I want to read it, not just look at ad after ad!

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